Do we really love “All” of our children?

I couldn’t find the right way to word that question, so let me ‘xplain.  No.  Let me sum up. 🙂  (Can you name THAT movie?)

OK, focusing…I have a story book I read my children that’s called “I Love You Through and Through.”  Part of it reads “I love your happy side, your sad side, your silly side, your mad side.”  I’ve always thought to myself while reading that portion, I don’t know if I agree with that!

I don’t love screaming tantrums.

I don’t love insanely messy rooms- you know with spilled bowls of crackers smushed into the carpet??  Don’t love that.

I don’t love seeing my daughter cover her ears because she doesn’t want to hear mom.

Recently Sophia was diagnosed with ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder.  I still feel she has a minor form of Aspergers (like counselors have suggested) and am working on getting another Dr.’s opinion.

Risking the chance of sounding like a terrible mom, I can’t feel like I can say I love ALL that those conditions include.  It’s HARD.  It’s HARD on her.  It’s hard for her to be 7 and still wear a pull-up at night.  It’s hard for her to not easily focus and do her homework.  It’s frustrating to hear she’s behind in class and misses out on progress rewars, when I know she’s trying so hard. 

It tears me apart when she says kids call her names at school, like “baby” or “bully” and still I can understand why.  It’s crippling as a mother to see her switch from being gentle, sweet and motherly to a defiant, shouting and pushing little girl that cannot possibly be the daughter who was born to me.

But she is.  And I do love her.  All of her.  I guess I don’t see those conditions as being Her. 

But maybe they are.  Maybe the ADHD is why she creates songs and sings them and dances about anything we are doing. 🙂  Maybe that’s why she can play with any child and literally not see disabilities or differences.  And hopefully that “defiance” will help get her through any moments of negative peer pressure. 🙂  I know that she cannot be forced.  Just explained to, and understood.

I suppose Sophia that I do love all of you, through and through.  I will just look at the good of each of these conditions.  I will see the silver linings.  And I will teach you to too.
Have you found a way to more easily love ALL of your child?  Please share! 🙂

2 Replies to “How Do YOU Love All Of Your Child?”

  1. Great post Melissa. I, too read that book with my kids, and I, too disagree to an extent. I don't like the screaming tantrums and defiance and attitude. That being said, those are all a part of my kids, but not WHO they are. When they are screaming or throwing a fit or misbehaving, I can dislike that behaviour as much as I want to, but I still like my child (especially after that behaviour is over!). I think it just comes down to loving that little person who we know can be sweet and loving and kind, and accepting that the hard stuff comes with it on the side. Sometimes that hard stuff seems like the only stuff, but it, too shall pass, and there will happy times. Those are the moments to cherish and remember why we love our children.

  2. Thank you so much for your comment! I agree- what they do is not who they are. We all have good days and challenging days, but cherishing the happy tmes will lead to more of them!

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