As we wrote our annual goals (AKA gift to Jesus) this year and I pondered what I could do better or give up to be more like him, something heavy hit me. Hard. For years I have struggled to do what I need to do. I’ve written entire books while I’ve distracted myself from my bigger purpose. I’ve lost weight and gained weight. I’ve read. Written and rewritten song. I’ve taught, danced, conducted, and cuddled…which are some very good things, but not THE THING.
See, because even though many of these activities and experiences are great, they aren’t the only important reason I was put on this earth. And I know motherhood is one of those reasons and I love it and feel that purpose, but I’m talking about the something else I do when I’m not mothering. That other thing had been danced around or I’ve done things in the same spirit or have gotten close, but I haven’t actually done IT.
Why have I been all over everyplace else serving, giving, laughing, trying, and living?
I think it’s because I’ve been afraid that the real reason I’m here, if I did it, that it wouldn’t be enough for God. That I wouldn’t be enough for God. Isn’t that what we fear the most? Rejection? Rejection from the tribe? And especially from our parents?! Well, this is THE supreme, heavenly parent and I don’t want to disappoint.
It’s funny though, this morning (during a Pilates workout, of all things) I was reminded through a song that I don’t have to worry about that. That’s because a loving God will never reject my honest efforts. If He’s asked me to do it, then with Him I WILL be able to and it will be enough! I don’t have to worry about that. And I just cried as the thought flowed all around me.
That as much as I say it and I think I mean it, my actions have not shown my faith in God’s faith in me.
So here’s a song and some encouragement to remind you that there is someone who knows you and your abilities perfectly. He sees all your flaws and weaknesses and has chosen you for his team, anyway…perhaps because of those challenges, because those struggles make us real, humble, and meek…more like Him. Trust Him the way He trusts you. Be the YOU He sees and do the things He asks of you. You WILL be enough because with His help we can’t help but be! You are capable because He made you that way! Just have faith and let that faith grow and inspire action, for with His perfect love we can do anything He asks. (1 Nephi 3:7, anyone?)
P.S. For more inspirational songs click here for the Meditation Music page.